Eyes Of Fore

"Ill wrap you in my arms"
FYI: I have a SICK obsession with Twilight and Robert Pattinsons' singing...OMG! haha.


So i have been in AZ for the past 2 weeks and it has been awesome! I didnt realize how much i miss being here. I got to see Rachael before she left for Maine so that was awesome. I wish her nothing but the best there and Im so proud of her for actually going. Ive also got to spend lots of time with Plunkett and Preston and that has been wonderful. Preston is the cutest boy ever...i just <3 him ="]" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">fambam which was nice. The last 2 days ive been working at my Dad's office and its been going well. I think I want to work for him and learn the business. I am begininng to think that maybe I should move back to AZ. But Im not 100% positive yet. I miss my parents so much and my friends too. However, I do enjoy my job back in NE and my new house. BUT.....im just not so sure about things with Clay and I and it suckkkkkks. I love him dearly....but Im realizing we are just two different people that want different things out of life. I dont see a future for myself if I stay there indefinitely. ARRRGGG I just dont want to hurt him.....YET AGAIN. WHat did I get myself into? Im so afraid of hurting him and upsetting/disappointing his family....there is just so much to consider. But I have been doing some serious thinking and I really believe I need to be alone for a WHILE. i have the unhealthiest habit of ending one relationship and then immediately falling into another one. And I NEED to quit doing that. I need to be happy with ME and focus on ME and my family and my friendships. I always say this but I never do it....Im getting annoyed with myself. I dont know where my insecurity of being alone stems from? GOD I need therapy!!!

Perhaps Im in such a rush to find "The One" that I want to meet/date every guy that sparks an interest. LAME right? I really would love to be back here and focus on school and possibly buying a house....that would be kick ass. Who knows....I just dont know how to leave NE???? This situation just fucking sucks anyway I look it!