I need to keep writing more often! Then I have way too much to update and usually forget things. So lets see....ok Im going to see the acupuncturist for the second time today. *sighs* hes soooo hott! I cant take it! haha. Im hoping this will help. Its too soon to tell. I am also going to see a naturalpathic doctor in 2 weeks. AND...im going to see my old psychologist from a year ago next Friday. Im finding myself struggling more & more lately with anxiety and I hate it. I am so depressed right now. I just want to feel "normal" again. I stopped taking my anti-depressant/ant-anxiety meds because I refuse to be medicated for the rest of my life. I need to learn how to change my obsessive thinking process and take better care of myself...emotionally, mentally, and physically. And lately..I havent been doing such a good job at any of those =[
I really dont like my job...I mean Im thankful I have one..but its soooooo boring. I feel like my brain is turning to moosh! And I barely make enough to pay my bills. My debt is getting high and Im stressed over money. Ugh i fuckin hate it. I wish I could just be a full time student but I cant stand the thought of being dependent on my Dad for another year!
Ive also been VERY confused lately regarding my relationship. Hes so nice funny and all those good things but I feel like that *spark* is already gone and we*ve only been dating 4 months! I dont know...maybe we*re just not as compatible as I thought we were. =[ I feel like such a failure at relationships. I dont know what my deal is. Ive also been thinking about Clay lately...now that is a very dangerous path. I dont get it. ugh so annoyed by all this. Im confused and super emotional...blah I hate it. I just want to go away for a while...hide out or something. I just feel like Im going to be alone forever. I know thats dramatic...but fuck...I dont know. =[ I just want the pain to stop.
Not much more to say...my Aunt Kim and Grandma will be here in a few weeks. And my cousin Cory is coming to visit at the end of November and Im soooo excited for that! Hopefully with my favorite holidays coming up my mood will change...*crosses fingers*
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