Alone She Cries....

....lose that hate indside. No love, no life without that loser who once said here's your kiss goodbye"---Rufio "Cries"

Well a week has passed by and my heart still hurts. Clint text me yesterday for the first time since we broke up. I didnt even wanna talk to him. He was trying to be nice and friendly but I told him that I just cant be his friend right now. Just because hes obviously over me and didnt really care to begin with, doesnt mean Im over him and ready to "be friends" Which by the way...I have come to the realization that exes cannot just be friends! Not really anyways. Because one person is always going to have feelings for the other person. However, there are exceptions to this statement. For example, take Mike North and myself...we dated when I was 17!! and now we are JUST FRIENDS and neither he nor I have ANY attracation to one another whatsoever! BUT...7years have also passed and to me...that seems like a legit amount of time to get over someone! =] Besides...at 17 those relationships are not the defining moments of one's life. So I had a really tough week and I am still very down in the dumps. I spent the entire weekend at home...with my family...Yea im cool. I cried myself to sleep both nights. Lonliness is a son of a mother fucker.

Well it has also been a week since I began taking the supplements the Naturpathic Doc gave to me. I have noticed a slight improvement with my anxiety and tummy troubles which is a god sign. But emotionally Im still a wreck which I suppose is understandable. Im just praying to God this Doc can help fix me. It has been too long that I havent felt like myself. I just want to be all better. I pray so hard every night for God to give me the strength to get through this and the courage to overcome it. I just want to be back to "normal" the outgoing, social, friendly, up-for-anything- Nicole that I know I am. It is soooooo frustating. I wouldnt wish anxiety (or emetophobia) on my worst enemy.

My aunt and my grandma are here from Canada. It has been nice spending time with them. My aunt leaves just after Thanksgiving. I cant wait for Thanksgiving...I have this amazing recipe for Sugar & Spice Pumpkin Pie with the classic Graham Cracker crust...oh yea its pretty much amazing. Ive been on a baking & cooking kick for a while now....huh...who would have thought!??

I put in my notice at RMP & my last day is Friday. I will be working at my mom's office part-time & also helping my Dad out. I need part-time right now so I can focus on school and also getting myself healthy and happy again. I am so stressed about money tho. I barely make enough now and then being cut to part time is going to suck. I dont know what I am going to do!? *sighs*